glossary

Since we always bandy about all manner of funny terms when we work horses, I thought I might put some of them in a list. Seeing I also use them to describe horse behaviour in this blog, it might be a useful tool for readers in terms of understanding what I'm talking about ;-)

I might update this as I go, but here we go for a start....

brain fart = sudden and/or unexpected behaviour

western moment = bucking or pigrooting

princess syndrome = behaviour showing the royal blood flowing in their veins, expressions of disdain for common tasks (including but not limited to being asked to move, step over or being ridden) usually in mares (but can certainly be found in male horses and humans)

hair loss (from the German: Haarausfall kriegen) = stress shown as big googly eyes, running away, jumping around, snorting etc.

horse bait = horse feed used for the purpose of attracting, catching and pacifying horses

furry critter = animal

horse hassling = horse training

purist = person who is convinced that breed //insert breed here// is the bee's knees and the only thing worth having and that it's sacriledge to crossbreed with horses from this breed, and who espouse the qualities of //insert breed here// to everyone who will stand still long enough to take notice

gadget = training item/equipment which clever marketers sell for lots of $$'s to people who don't know better, gadgets can range from just harmless but useless to dangerous for equine critters and humans

guru = any of the current "in flavour" horse whisperers/tamers/communicators

eyes like piss-holes in the snow = the look on a stallion's face when he's served a mare

tight-arse (from the German "Arschkneifer") = human (usually female) who spends a load of time talking about riding and has all the know-how but suffers from a severe tightening of muscles in the nether regions when actually placed on a real horse, leading to tight hands and legs and unhappy horses

diplomatic hands = hands on reins and ropes that ask politely and give/release immediately when the horse becomes soft

wet saddle blankets = the extended process of educating a horse in the post-starting stage

sense of humour failure (in horse) = assorted expressions of disgust, can be triggered by not handing over horse bait, being asked to go when I say stop or vice versa, particularly if the princess syndrome is involved

sense of humour failure (in me) = expressions of upset or digust, such as when a horse has a western moment or a brain fart, but can also be triggered when I'm berated by a purist or when I watch dressage riders or gurus

wrinkles (aka wrinkle city) = refers to the high wrinkle count associated with the facial expressions which accompany sense of humour failures or when I ask an equine princess to do something she isn't in the mood to do

ugly ears = refers to ear positioning and often goes together with wrinkles, some people refer to it as "pinned" ears or "ears back"

voice from hell = the tone of voice I used just before, during or right after a horse's sense of humour failure or brain fart, sometimes it's handy even during the wrinkle & ugly ears stage, as it sometimes fends off SOHF's

NICE! = what I say when a horse does good. I'm going away from using "GOOD!", as that sounds too much like "WHOA" and tends to result in a stop